Growing up, I had nothing to say. I’d sit in conversations nodding along and agreeing with whatever was said, too embarrassed to have an opinion in case someone didn’t like it.
Luckily, the beauty industry helped me get better at having conversations, forcing me to make small talk with strangers of all ages and backgrounds. And later in my twenties, my confidence went up another notch when I opened my own business and started travelling.
But there are plenty of smaller, simpler ways to get better at talking to people you don’t know — and I still use most of them today.
Why talking to strangers matters
For many people, talking to strangers feels far too nerve-wracking. Especially if you have family nearby and a solid friendship group, you might wonder why bother? But there are over 8 billion people on this planet — are you really going to shrink your world down to just a handful of them?
For me, meeting new people is one of my favourite things. Call it cheesy if you like, but I love the idea that one conversation with a stranger could change your day, your plans, or even your life. You might hit it off so well that you end up on an unexpected road trip, or meet someone who sparks your next big idea. And even when nothing dramatic happens, there are still plenty of reasons to keep meeting new people.
MENTAL HEALTH: Talking to someone you don’t know can be a surprisingly powerful antidote to loneliness. Even a small exchange can make you feel more connected to the world around you.
OPPORTUNITIES: New people bring new perspectives, and new perspectives can open doors you didn’t even know existed. A casual chat might lead to a recommendation, an invitation, a collaboration, or simply a useful idea you wouldn’t have stumbled across otherwise. Not every conversation needs to turn into a grand opportunity, of course.
MEMORIES: Some of the best stories I’ve got have started with a conversation with someone I don’t know (keep reading to hear a few of them). Those tiny, throwaway moments can become the ones you remember for years because they feel spontaneous and unplanned.
CONFIDENCE: The more you talk to strangers, the less strange it starts to feel. Every time you speak up, ask a question, or start a chat, you’re proving to yourself that you can do it.
So, how do you actually overcome that awkwardness and start having better conversations with strangers?
How to build your confidence and get better at talking to strangers
1. Don’t ignore people
One of the easiest ways to build social confidence is simply to acknowledge someone. If you’re waiting for a coffee or a bus, don’t immediately bury yourself in your phone. Try a smile, a nod, or a quick “hi” instead.
The same goes for when someone makes the first move and speaks to you. At the Paris 2024 Olympics, a Peruvian man asked me something in French while we were waiting in line for an event. Rather than brush him off, I explained that I only spoke English and made an effort to keep the conversation going while we waited. I ended up spending the rest of the afternoon with him and his friends — and we even made it onto Peruvian TV!
2. Simple small talk
No matter where I am, I always try to ask the person serving me, “How are you?” It’s such a small thing, but it’s a brilliant habit for building social confidence because you can do it over and over again until it feels natural. What I also like about it is that it adds a tiny bit of challenge, because sometimes people aren’t expecting it and don’t answer. So I ask again.
I remember lining up to buy tickets for a boat tour in Ghent, Belgium. When I reached the booth, I asked the ticket seller how he was. He told me I was the first person to ask him all week… and he gave me 50% off the tour as a thank you.
3. Ask for help
Asking for help is a simple conversation starter because it gives the interaction a purpose. It can be something as small as asking for directions, asking someone to take your photo, or asking where they got something. It gives the other person something concrete to respond to, which can make the whole exchange feel a lot less awkward.
In Belgium, when I was house-sitting, my hosts had this little metal coffee filter thing I didn’t know how to use. I took a photo and went to an independent coffee shop nearby to ask if they could help. The barista took me behind the counter, showed me exactly how to use it step by step and even wrote the instructions down for me. It was such a lovely interaction.
4. Let a shared activity do the talking for you
If small talk on its own feels too cringey, give yourself something to actually do while you’re doing it. Walking tours, pottery classes, calligraphy workshops, kimchi making, it doesn’t really matter what it is, as long as you’re doing it alongside other people. The activity does a lot of the heavy lifting. Nobody’s sat there waiting for you to say something interesting, because everyone’s busy shaping a pot or chopping cabbage. Conversation just happens around the task.
5. Go solo travelling (even just for a weekend)
When you’re ready for more of a challenge, go solo travelling. This has been by far my biggest confidence builder. And you don’t necessarily need to get on a plane or plan some big life-changing trip, a weekend away somewhere locally works just as well. Travelling solo gives you constant little chances to connect with people, ask for help and challenge yourself. We’re so influenced by our environment and the people around us that you may have more confidence than you think — you just haven’t been put in situations that bring it out yet.
If you need more convincing, take a look at the positive impact solo travel has had on all of these women in my Substack series, “Aren’t you afraid?” Start with this conversation with Becky Jackson, who shares her tips for talking to strangers. Or get inspiration from Antonia, whose first solo trip was a 10-week group trip around Asia. I’ve also written this article on how to be a confident solo traveller, which you may find helpful.
6. BONUS tip: Play my confidence-boosting bingo!
I’ve created this printable PDF bingo card with 24 numbered confidence prompts for solo travellers. This tiny game will help you meet new people and gently stretch your comfort zone.
Whatever approach you take, go easy on yourself and have a bit of fun with it. Talking to strangers doesn’t have to be a serious self-improvement project, and most people are far nicer than you might expect. At the same time, if the idea of talking to a stranger brings on real dread or physical symptoms, it might be worth reading more about social anxiety — Mind has a good breakdown here. Finally, stay safe and trust your instincts.
If you enjoyed this post, I share more about meeting new people, talking to strangers, travelling, freelancing and house-sitting over on Substack.
