Have you ever walked past a restaurant with tables full of groups of friends, they’re all chatting and cheersing and generally having a good time, while you wonder why you can’t even find one person to have dinner with? Yeah, me too.
The thing is, once you’re past school and university, you lose many of the opportunities to build meaningful friendships. Add in working from home, moving to a new area or simply losing touch with old social circles, and it’s no wonder making female friends in London as an adult is tricky.
But if you know where to look, I think there are plenty of ways to meet other women in the capital. From women-only social groups and walking clubs to book clubs, classes, coworking spaces and volunteering, here are a few ideas to get you started.
Why is making female friends in London so hard after 30?
Friendships often happen through proximity. In other words, we tend to become friends with the people we see regularly, in places we visit often.
Think about school, university or your first job. You were surrounded by the same people day after day. You sat next to them in class, bumped into them between lectures, went for lunch together and shared the same routines. You were in the same place often enough for friendship to develop.
Mel Robbins spoke about this on an episode of the On Purpose podcast with Jay Shetty, explaining that many friendships are created through repeated exposure and everyday proximity. By your 30s, that proximity can disappear as people move away, get married, have children or become increasingly busy. Even if you still live near your existing friends, your routines may no longer overlap in the same way.
And a lot of people are struggling with this. Research from the Campaign to End Loneliness found that around 700,000 Londoners, roughly one in 12, experience severe loneliness, with women accounting for 55% of those affected. Contributing factors include being new to the city, living alone and feeling that you don’t belong in your local community.
So, I’d say the secret to making new female friends in London is being a bit proactive and recreating the opportunities you once had. Find things you enjoy, go regularly and give yourself a chance to get to know the people around you.
Here are a few ways to do it.
Use online communities to find real-life friends
The internet gets a lot of blame for making us less social, but it can also be a useful way to meet other women in London who are looking for new friends.
I’ve come across loads of online communities designed to get people offline and meeting in person. New ones seem to pop up all the time, and I often find them through social media, so it’s worth keeping an eye out. Here are some I’ve seen or used personally:
- The Lonely Girls Club is a good place to start if you’re specifically looking to make female friends. It runs events across London, including book clubs, coffee mornings and other social activities, giving you an easy way to meet women who are in the same boat. I’ve been to two events, a Bank Holiday cocktail meet-up and another in a pub for a Sunday roast, and I’m still in touch with people I met at both.
- Another option is 30 Girls Club, which is aimed at single women in their 30s and 40s in London. Its events are limited to around 30 women and include walks and talks, so you’re meeting a smaller group rather than walking into a room full of hundreds of strangers.
- Timeleft takes a different approach, organising dinners with strangers around the world every Wednesday. Complete a short quiz and its clever algorithm matches you with five people to meet over dinner at a local restaurant. They cover a few different areas of London and they’ve also recently added women-only dinners, drinks and running meet-ups.
- If you’re sick of hanging out with people who are constantly glued to their phone, maybe you should try The Offline Club. It hosts phone-free hangouts in cities across Europe, encouraging people to connect with each other instead. I went to a reading rave in London and had a great time.
- You can also use Facebook groups to find local communities and meet other women in London, although I’ve found these to be a bit hit and miss.
- Meetup can be useful if you’re looking for something specific, particularly a recurring activity. Search for women’s walking groups, book clubs, running groups, people in their 30s and 40s, or groups based in your part of London.
I know it can be easy to overthink these things, so don’t spend too long analysing, reviewing and scrolling. Find something that looks interesting, go along and see what happens.
Join a walking, running or sports group
Activity-based groups can be a great way to make friends in London because you already have something in common. You can talk about the route, the weather or how nobody warned you about that hill.
Many sports and activity groups also meet regularly, giving you the chance to see the same people again and gradually get to know them.
- Parkrun is a good example. It takes place every Saturday morning and is free to take part in, with people able to run, jog or walk the 5km route. There are Parkrun events across London, so you can find one relatively close to home and keep going back. You’re bound to find a chatty crew at the post-run coffee spot.
- If you’d prefer something a little more adventurous, Adventure Queens is a UK-based not-for-profit community helping break down the barriers that stop women from getting outdoors. Founded in 2017, it creates physical and virtual spaces where women can connect, share experiences and support one another via local Facebook groups.
- There are also countless running clubs, women’s walking groups, social sports leagues, climbing groups, swim clubs, yoga classes and fitness communities across the capital.
But remember to choose something you actually enjoy. If you hate running, joining a running club because you think it will be a good place to make friends is unlikely to end well.
Learn something new or join a book club
Similar to the sports idea, the advantage of joining a class is that you already have something in common. You’re all there to learn something, whether that’s pottery, photography, a language etc. This is probably my favourite way to meet people, as I’m naturally quite creative and love learning new things. My god, I’ve done a lot of courses over the years!
London has plenty of options. City Lit, for example, offers in-person courses covering everything from languages, arts and culture to creative writing and reading groups. London Girls Book Club brings women together to read and discuss books, while Imperfect Art offers art classes and workshops for beginners. I also like Pints of Knowledge which hosts lectures in pubs by professors, authors and researchers. I went to one of these recently and they encourage you to chat a little to the person sitting next to you and sometimes have ‘social tables’ for those interested in making new friends.
Become a regular in your neighbourhood
Instead of constantly looking for new events, find somewhere you like and keep going back.
Go to the same coffee shop on Saturday morning. Join the same pub quiz. Take the same yoga class. Find a local activity that happens every week. This can be particularly useful in a city as big as London. You don’t have to cross the capital every weekend to meet people. Start with what’s happening around you.
You could even borrow a dog through BorrowMyDoggy and make friends with the owner or other dog walkers at a local park. The company says that 90% of its members report that borrowing a dog has increased their human social interaction.
Make friends through work and your professional network
If you’re freelance or self-employed, you’ve probably lost one of the easiest ways adults make friends: colleagues at the office.
There’s nobody to bump into in the kitchen, ask if they fancy lunch or complain to when the Wi-Fi stops working. If you work remotely, you can go days without having a proper conversation with another person. So you may need to create some of those opportunities yourself.
Look for freelancer meet-ups, industry events, coworking spaces and professional communities where you’ll regularly encounter other people who work in a similar way. I’m part of the Freelancer Magazine and Being Freelance communities. Their regular online coworking sessions are a social lifeline, and both communities host in-person meet-ups throughout the year.
You could also try Cowork Crew, which regularly meets up in London, or look into a coworking membership such as WeWork. I get a free day pass each month through my Revolut account, so when I’m in London, I try to head to the same location and see if there are any familiar faces.
Make friends volunteering
If you’d rather make friends while making a difference, volunteering can be a great way to meet people who share your values.
If you’re not sure where to start, HandsOn London lists volunteering opportunities with charities and community organisations across the capital. Migrateful offers opportunities to get involved with its community of refugee and migrant teachers, while GoodGym combines running or walking with volunteering and community projects.
Choose something you genuinely care about and you’ll already have something in common with the people around you.
What if I’m nervous about going alone?
I get it. This is probably the biggest barrier to making new friends, because it can be a bit nerve wracking meeting new people. You find an event that sounds great, imagine everyone arriving with their existing friendship groups and suddenly decide that staying home in your pyjamas sounds much more sensible.
But if you’re going to an event specifically designed to bring people together, there’s a good chance plenty of women will be there alone too.
A few things can make that first step easier.
- Tell the organiser you’re coming alone. They can often introduce you to someone when you arrive or point you towards other people who are also there by themselves.
- Arrive a little early. I know this isn’t cool, but I find it much easier to start a conversation with one person than to walk into a room full of established groups.
- Give yourself one small goal. Don’t put pressure on yourself to make five new friends. Aim to speak to one person.
- Choose an activity-based meetup. A class, workshop or volunteering gives you something to talk about, so you’re not relying entirely on small talk.
- Give yourself permission to leave. You don’t have to stay all evening just because you’ve booked a ticket. Give it half an hour. If you’re not enjoying yourself, go home.
You don’t need a huge friendship group
Having a small friendship circle is normal, especially as you get older. People move away, take on different commitments, become parents, change jobs or simply drift in different directions. Even people with lots of friends can sometimes feel like they have no one free for dinner or a last-minute coffee – especially in a big city like London.
So don’t compare your social life with the groups you see around you or put pressure on yourself to build a huge new circle. A couple of close friends can be more valuable than a WhatsApp group of 30 people you rarely see.
If you’d like to start making female friends in London, just start by doing things you enjoy and going regularly. Say hello, chat to someone new and suggest meeting again if you get on. You don’t need to find a new best friend straight away. You just need to give a friendship the chance to grow.
